The saddest thing that can happen to an individual is suicide.  It diversely affects people who are close to the victim and to anyone who  came into contact with the person, even the people who may try hard to help them.  People usually need to find a scapegoat. However I find  that in the majority of cases, once the decision has been made, not much could have been done to save them,  not by the family, friends or even the medical profession. The reasons can seem slight to other people and not worth even thinking about yet the same thoughts in another person can be catastrophic.  Suicide can be a welcome relief for the person as it does release them from the thing they cannot get away from by using conventional methods.  I was once told  “there is always another way” but that is not correct, sometimes for the person concerned it is the only way that they can see.

Suicide, to the person left behind  is probably the worst feeling they will ever feel.  However it does help to think that great person can now rest their mind and escape from the torture they were feeling.  After all, don’t we all seek peace in our lives.  Yes it might seem extreme however if the person made that decision we have to respect it as we respect the person. Shouldering guilt will not help anyone, indeed it could harm someone, so we must try and seek peace whilst we are here and live our lives as they would want us to. I have heard people say “that’s taking the easy way out”.  Believe me it is not.  I believe the person to have been very strong and true to themselves right to the end. As in any situation the sooner that you can forgive the better.  Forgive them, yes of course, but just as important forgive yourself,  as there is no blame. Forgive all.

Regardless of what I have said, the people left behind will be devastated.

If you are the person contemplating suicide find someone to talk to.  There are groups who can help disentangle things and might even come up with something you haven’t thought of.  You can only gain by seeking someone to chat to.

Try chatting to a family member, a partner, a pastor, a mate or a group like Lifeline or SANE.  This might sound daft, but even a pet can listen and give comfort. Try taking a look at this link, to see that you are not alone in feeling as bad as you do and you can get help.

If it would help, you can send a comment to say how you feel here.

For support and information about depression, contact Lifeline on 13 11 14 or SANE helpline on 1800 187 263.

Is this of help to anyone? It’s a long road

I have been to a lot of funerals in my life.  The least sad was the funeral of an elderly gentleman of 93 years of age.  A piano tuner, who had been blind all his life, at the end was taken peacefully.  The saddest funeral was that of a young officer cadet in the army who, for some unknown reason to us,  ended his own life by suicide.  Even though he was a  happy person, or so it seemed to those around him, had a young child, a beautiful wife and a very promising career in the armed forces, he still believed his only option, good or bad, was to end his time on earth.  The Chaplain had counselled him on many ocassions and still did not know the reason. Since then, I surely know that there is no blame in most suicide cases.

Every single one of us has a breaking point.  Perhaps at the moment you and I are feeling good about ourselves, but our breaking point could be behind a door we just haven’t come to yet.

Blame has never cured anyone, but if we all do our best to help people where we can it could improve all our lives. No blame on the victim, no blame on friends or family, no blame on professionals who might have tried to help.

Some years ago, a close friend of mine called at my front door and asked if he could borrow $2.00.  Knowing him well, I knew it would be a gift not a loan as I handed him the money.  In the early hours of the morning I received a phone call from the local hospital.  A nurse told me that Peter* had taken over 100 aspirin and had just had his stomach washed out.  He had asked her to phone me.  I could not work out why he said to phone me – why not his wife, mother or father.  I drove straight to the hospital and found Peter lying in a bed,  not looking too good but awake.  I just sat and chatted with him.  When he laughed at something I had said, a nurse popped her head around the curtain and said that she couldn’t believe it, “such a change in him”.  I then asked him where he had got the aspirin from.  “I bought them with the $2.00 you gave me” to which I replied “Yeah, gave!”.  He saw the funny side and laughed.  He went on to explain why he had asked for me.  He said he felt the others would be ashamed of him.  I remember clearly that I felt a twinge of sadness at that remark, as it is never something to be ashamed of.

Perhaps the best bit of advice to a person close to someone who may be suicidal is to find something that they like doing and give it a try.  In Peter’s case it was laughing – which we all need to do but a suicidal person can’t.  So, try and get a smile, and then a laugh and it should help to release the endorphins needed to fight their current frame of mind.

I would like to say that Peter is still alive and laughing.  But sadly he started taking so-called recreational drugs and the power of these drugs overtook the understanding of himself.   He died 20 years after the aspirin incident of an overdose.  Whether this was purposely or accidentally was never discovered, but all the same it killed him.

I do believe however, that part of the reason he had life for that extra 20 years was for that one laugh.

*Not his real name.

Trevor Cologne “You are not at risk”

Trevor Cologne
Trevor Cologne

It is some years ago that I was introduced to Trevor, he seemed a very happy, confident and decent person.  Obviously he hit some bad times more recently and things got so bad for him that he started slashing his wrists to enable him to get into a mental institution for help.  However the “sympathetic” doctors and nurses just took the easy option and fixed the gaping wounds and sent him on his way.

Now I don’t know if you have ever been into a mental institution.  I visited someone in one some years ago and it was not a place anyone would consider staying in unless they were extremely down in their mental state.  Now if I, as a lay person can state this, then why, why, why could the trained professionals at the  hospital in Adelaide not see that this man was ill, not just physically harmed but depressed to the extreme.

This should be a country that looks after its people, not let them die for the sake of a bit of help and a few dollars of medical fees.   Some argue against euthanasia, yet a man who wanted to live and tried to seek help was allowed to die.  If a person begging for help cant be given it, then this has turned into a country of extreme indifference to another persons plight.

Trevor, according to news reports was allowed to see a psychiatrist only once every three weeks.  Why was this?  If someone needs help, surely in this country we can let them talk to a professional as often as needed.

They go on to say he saw not one but  four doctors on one visit, four qualified people who might have saved this mans life, did not.  In my opinion doctors who have taken the Hippocratic oath to try and save life, failed miserably on this occasion.  If I employed a gardener and he did not see that my prized plant needed help and he let it die I would fire him on the spot.  These people however, will not be sacked.  They will keep their extremely high salaries and will carry on saying they have taken an oath to try and save peoples lives.  Well if this is saving people, then doctor, please don’t save me.

The people of Adelaide demand a coronial inquiry into why this man was not given adequate help when he so desperately pleaded for it.  They say that he “was not at risk”.  Mr Cologne was a very intelligent man and if he said to a doctor I feel I need to be in a mental institution then he should have been admitted and then assessed, not just told you are not at risk.  The man is now dead and they  offered  him the words “you are not at risk”.  If anyone would like to add a comment about Trevor then please do.

29/11/2011.                  Has anyone got any updated information on this article? They would be most welcome.

For support and information about depression, contact Lifeline on 13 11 14 or SANE helpline on 1800 187 263.